Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize