I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
