Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
