I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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