im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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