I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
