My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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