things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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