he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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