I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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