One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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