Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Four minutes until I can fart!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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