I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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