I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
