Non-Jews are for practice
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
