fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
