i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize