just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
