New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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