as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
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your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
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Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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