How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
