Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
