didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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