none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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