look no pants
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
