I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
