i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
