so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
