I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize