can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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