Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
