do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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