My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
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and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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