Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
