It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
MIDGETS
????
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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