nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
