I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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