Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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