just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
