Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
