So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
