What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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