I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
