I'm passing your future prison.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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