But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
