Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The Olympian is in my bed
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
