he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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