it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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