I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
