You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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