shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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