my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
