She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
