Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
