do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
