plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
