Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
