After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i dont even know how to be here
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
