You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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