On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
