Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
