Who wears a wallet chain?!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
