So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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