i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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