Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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