Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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