I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
