i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
