I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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